Exploring Couples Therapy: When Inner Marriage Meets the Outer Union
When most people hear "couples therapy," they picture two partners sitting across from a counselor. They imagine working through their differences, exploring emotions, and building better communication. This post explores the secret to a thriving relationship. The juice is not only in the dynamic between partners, but also within each partner's inner world. Enter the concept of "inner marriage." The term emerged from Jungian analysts like Marion Woodman and John P. Dourley. Kundalini healers like Elliot Saxby have more recently added flavor to the idea.
In this thought-provoking blog post, we'll explore traditional couples therapy. Then we'll also consider the transformative idea of “inner marriage.” Finally, we'll connect the two threads.
What Exactly Is Inner Marriage?
Picture this: You have both masculine and feminine energies within you. So does your partner. Regardless of your gender identity everyone possesses some of each. When I write about masculine and feminine traits I'm referring to C.G. Jung's ideas. Masculine energies include focus, clarity, action, assertiveness, fire, order, and law. Feminine energies are nurturance, protection, intuition, creativity, chaos, and receptivity. In a balanced state, these energies live in harmony within us.
Marion Woodman, a celebrated Jungian analyst, wrote about the importance of this balance between masculine and feminine. She encouraged women to reclaim their feminine side in a world that often over-values masculine traits. That said, the balance of these internal forces is important for people of all gender identities.
"Inner marriage" refers to a state where these energies balance within ourselves. As holistic psychotherapists, we’re interested in stuff that allows us to become whole. John P. Dourley, another Jungian analyst, thought this integration crucial for spiritual wholeness.
How Does This Connect to Couples Therapy?
You might be wondering, "Okay, this ‘inner marriage’ thing sounds cool, but what does that have to do with me and my partner fighting over who does the dishes?"
Well, it’s all about projection. When our inner masculine and feminine are out of balance, all kinds of chaos can ensue. For example, we might unconsciously project our unmet needs onto our partners. This leads to misunderstandings, emotional friction, and feeling unseen. Elliot Saxby is an expert in sexual and emotional healing. He wrote about how our inner world plays out in our relationships.
Imagine you're someone who’s always trying to be the "strong one" in the relationship. Now be curious about the possibility that deep down, you long for more nurturing and softness. If you haven’t married these two sides within yourself, you may start relying on your partner to "complete" you. This set-up is a recipe for co-dependency.
In couples therapy, many therapists help you recognize and heal these patterns. They may or may not use terms like "inner marriage." First you each get to integrate this balance within yourself. The focus of a healthy relationship is not in filling one another's missing pieces. It's about celebrating your wholeness together.
Activity: Meet Your Inner Couple!
Alright, let’s make this fun. Ever thought about having a date with your inner masculine and feminine? Don’t worry, no candles or reservations required — a comfy chair and a moment of quiet will work!
1. Get Still
Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and picture yourself in a beautiful garden or a space that feels safe.
2. Meet Them
Invite your inner masculine to join you. Who shows up? Is it a strong warrior, a protective father, or maybe a playful adventurer? Now invite your inner feminine. Is she nurturing, creative, intuitive, or maybe the life of the party?
3. Have a Chat
What do these parts of yourself have to say to each other? Is one tired or neglected? How do they feel about you?
4. Imagine Integration
Picture them joining hands, recognizing each other’s strengths. How would your life change if they worked together? Can you imagine them supporting you in both your personal and relationship life?
This simple exercise can help bring awareness to your inner dynamics. It’s a step toward transforming how you show up in your relationships!
Bringing It All Together: Harmonizing Your Inner and Outer Relationships
Ultimately, couples therapy isn’t just about improving communication or resolving conflicts. It’s also about learning to love yourself and your partner more deeply. Step one, work on your inner marriage. Step two, free yourself from projecting your unmet needs onto your partner. Step three, relax into a more balanced and loving relationship. If that sounds challenging, a holistic couples therapist can help.
Elliot Saxby, Marion Woodman, and John P. Dourley remind us that the journey of love starts from within. By marrying our own internal energies, we can meet our partners as equals. Healthy partners join together not out of need. They join together out of a desire to co-create a union where both inner and outer relationships thrive.
So the next time you and your partner find yourselves at odds, remember to check in with your inner couple, too. It might lead to a happier, healthier relationship — both with them and with yourself!
Whether you are navigating couples therapy or exploring your own inner world, consider the concept of "inner marriage." It offers a playful yet profound way to enrich your relationship journey. After all, the best relationships are between two whole individuals — inside and out.
Heal Yourself and Your Relationship with Holistic Couples Therapy in Pasadena, CA
Unlock the potential of your relationship by embracing holistic couples therapy, integrating the power of your souls, bodies, and minds. Take the first step towards a brighter, more fulfilling relationship—reach out and discover the holistic approach to couples counseling. Follow these three simple steps to get started:
Schedule a free 15-minute consultation to see if Holistic Couples Therapy is right for you.
Begin meeting with a skilled holistic therapist.
Start healing your relationship from the inside out.
Other Services Offered at Rezak Therapy in Pasadena, CA
At Rezak Therapy, we're here to help you align with your most authentic self. Our holistic therapy approaches include an integration of talk therapy, somatic psychotherapy, and depth psychotherapy. In addition to therapy to help couples increase intimacy in their relationships, we also offer services for individuals struggling with depression, post-traumatic stress, and anxiety. Additionally The Artists Way Workshop is a 12-week adventure of artistic discovery and personal exploration. For more on holistic psychology and our other services check out our blog.
